Little Red School House
and Elisabeth Irwin High School

A Pre-K-12 Progressive Education

News Detail

Middle School Friendships

Ana

Middle School Friendships

At our faculty meeting this week, middle school teachers discussed a recent article from the Atlantic, “The Outsize Influence of Your Middle-School Friends,” linked here. In it, the author describes how middle schoolers’ preoccupation with their shifting friendships eclipses their attention to everything else. This is no surprise to any adult who knows middle schoolers well. Our teachers respect how natural and formative social concerns are at this age. We anticipate and help soothe the hurt feelings when allegiances change or social pressures escalate, and we intentionally build our program to harness the explosion of social learning they are doing at this time of life. The two points below were particularly resonant to us and highlight messages we communicate to our students both implicitly and explicitly all the time:

Instability is the norm. According to a study, “Two-thirds of the children entering their first year of middle school changed friends between the fall and the spring.” Your child will go through this many times throughout their middle school years and even though it can be wrenching, it’s also important and useful. Figuring out who they want to spend time with is part of figuring out who they are. And learning how to be kind about their changing preferences, firm about their wishes, and resilient when their classmates do the same, are among the most worthwhile lessons of these years. Also, instability is the norm now, but it won’t be like this forever.
Friendship is powerful. Peer relationships provide comfort and support that, according to one researcher, seem to take the place of the attachment relationships that children have with their parents. Additionally, a study has found that friends learn better together than when they’re apart. Their thinking is deeper and more subtle. We have observed and leveraged this truth in our school for a long time. We give students chances to learn together, flexing their social and academic muscles in tandem.

One example of how we create space and opportunity in our program for students to feel safe and supported, and develop relationships that will enrich them is Spirit Week. Multi-grade groups, like clubs, affinity spaces and the Spirit Week teams of the past several weeks, are how we help students find refuge from the natural but inevitable pressure of their immediate social circle.

I’ve been so moved walking in and out of these (top-secret) lip sync rehearsals. Eighth graders are at the helm, encouraging and organizing their younger colleagues. Fifth, sixth and seventh graders are choreographing routines together, laughing, taking risks, and making their zany plans (The lights will go off! We’ll throw paper flowers! A human pyramid!). It’s a counterpoint to the more stereotypical middle school social experience of loneliness and awkwardness. We know those moments will happen, and we’re prepared to help them through it, but we also get to see our students when they are at their best, silliest and most comfortable. Happy Spirit Week. Click the image below for a sneak peek at some of tomorrow's team performances.